friends. it is a term we use so easily, and yet, do you really know what it means. not on the surface, but deep down in your soul. what is a friend. i have been pondering this question as of late. for a little over three years, and maybe more, i just don't count it. i have been searching for friends who are truly the definition of what friendship means to me. people who hold me accountable, tell me when i am wrong. love me even when i admit the stuff i struggle with. and now at twenty-one, i finally feel like i am getting there. i feel it is such a process though. a process of weeding through people that are not going to be those things for me, and finding that sometimes you can live with someone for a good amount of time, and then it is after you have parted that you know how much you really need them to be around. because they make you laugh and cry, and hold you to a higher standard then you feel you can handle, but in that there is a beautiful accountability.
i had dinner with someone this week that made me realize a few things about myself. one is that i am more and more quickly becoming who i am. i am becoming who God wants me to be. i am becoming someone that i myself respect. i am becoming someone that i want to hold accountable, because i am worth it, and i am a good person, and someone that wants to achieve greatness in the world. and i blame that from the people in my life that i am closest to. i blame it on the fact that even though it is horribly tragic that my dad died, it in some ways set me free, and it made me grow up. it made me want to be there for people when they need me, and to not dissapoint people for my own selfish desires. i feel like the people i have lived with in college have taught me lessons about myself, and about how i treat others. I have also been learning that sometimes it is best to know when to just shut it.
i have been trying to write this post about how much i appreciate the people in my life, even if they don't realize the impact that they continue to have on my outlook on the world. people who shaped the way i view myself and the world, and people who give me hope for the future. i appreciate so much the people who invest in me the word of God, and they show me the truth, and the way. it is amazing the impact we all have on one another, and i am just so incredably grateful for the friends in my life. the ones that even though i wont name, they know who they are. because they are an active part of my world. even the ones who decided to go off and get married and have babies, they impact me so much and give me so much hope and joy for what is to come in my life. i recently told my bestest, as i refer to her, that she gives me the greatest hope in what is to come, and i hope that i give that back to her. i know that it can't be one sided, and that relationships need to be deep and meaningful, and that is what i want. i want to be in the position that my relationships mean something.
this quote makes sense of my world more than i could ever explain...
sometimes, you have to step outside of the person you've been. and remember the person you were meant to be. the person you wanted to be. the person you are.
top 5 of the day...
1. sky:: joshua radin
2. nobody knows me at all:: the weepies
3. glittering clouds:: imogen heap
4. brothers on a hotel bed:: death cab for cutie
5. the shadowlands:: ryan adams
okay goodnight...
lovelovelove
a.
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