do you ever feel like life is just moving to fast. or have you ever woken up one day and felt like --wow, how did i possibly get here from where i was three years ago? i feel like this sometimes, and normally it is music that brings me back to that place, but today it has just been the reminder of what i used to be, the type of person i used to be, whether that be good or bad, because i have spent so much of the last three years thinking that who i was in high school was all bad, but honestly, there are parts of me that thinks that i was a better person back then, only in certain ways of course. it just surprises me that i actually feel that way, because honestly i think that the person i used to be is mean, but i think in that meanness there was a part of reality that i lost when i decided to emerse myself fully in the world of higher education christian style.
i used to know exactly what i wanted, and where i was going, and even though those things were both the goals i had for myself, they were still goals i was actively persuing. i think when i set those things aside and decided to do everything for God, that i lost a part of the drive i used to have, and that bums me out a little. because as much as was doing things for myself and for the accolation of other people, i still was succeeding at life and i was still driven. and honestly i don't really know how to get that back, but i want it back. so that is my mission, to get that drive back.
that is not my only mission for now though, the other side of it is coming to terms with who i used to be and accepting the good with the bad, knowing that i did mess up a lot, but i still do, and who is to say that this "new" me doesn't just use the God excuse whenever i mess up and i don't want to admit to it. maybe my perfectionism has taken over to such an extent that i have decided unconsiously to either succeed fully, and be perfect, or to not even try, because i can never get there... therefore all i have is to leave you with this...
back to where we started, losing who we were, everybody knows that, you’d break your neck to keep your chin up. open your eyes, and the drops come, and a snail raced down to your neck, and looked up, but you were smiling somehow.
---from the new copeland record... you are my sunshine---
today's daily 5
1. chin up:: copeland
2. let it be me:: ray lamontagne
3. be okay:: ingrid michaelson
4. please don't stop the rain:: james morrison
5. i want something that i want:: grace potter and bethany joy galeotti
lovelovelove
a.
No comments:
Post a Comment